＊⠀Every inch of Me is charred
⠀ ⸺God, What happened to My Heart? | Vent.
⠀⠀ I'm disappointed in Myself that the next entry I'm making on this blog is just another vent, but I suppose it's better to get it all out. You can read this, or not, I do not mind in the end. Do know that none of this is your fault, Thank you.
⠀⠀ My heart has felt heavy for the past few weeks, or even months — I apologise if it's affected the way I spend My time with you. In all that I'll ever know, I suppose depression is getting worse — but I cannot make anything of it, I cannot make anything of what I feel. I do not feel My emotions are of any importance — After all, What's the use of feeling when it doesn't bring any good?
⠀⠀ Due to renovations that have been going on since this Wednesday — I feel as if My mind has gone nothing but worse, even though We are finished for the week — My heart feels gross. Nothing feels real, Not even the people I talk to, Not even Myself. My body is in constant sensory overload, The clutter of My home that My parents don't bother to fix is hurting, their yelling is hurting, The dust all over the house is making My mind gross.
⠀⠀ I am sorry if My energy has been nowhere close to consistent, I apologise if I could seem energetic in one moment, and immediately crash the other. I am sorry if it leads Me to sound dry, I'm sorry, If I sound different at all. I'm sorry if I say weird things, I'm sorry that I let my headmates say whatever they wish to — I know You do not mind, but I wish to apologise anyway — Perhaps one day I wouldn't need to deal with them anymore, I doubt It'd be anywhere near soon.
⠀⠀ I am sorry if My behaviour feels rotten, If I feel like I'm rotting alive as we speak, If I feel like a corpse who's holding on something that You couldn't even consider a thread. For I have sealed My fate since the very beginning of My time, I'm sorry for the fact I feel like I can barely breathe, the fact I cannot form a coherent thought when I am sad, for everything that is wrong with Me — I know that You do not mind, I know that You love Me for all that I am, for this feeling is mutual — I simply feel awful knowing that You've dealt with Me so much.
⠀⠀ I cannot breathe clearly, there is a lump in my throat, If I am crying when you wake up (it is 9:19PM as I'm writing this), Please do not think of it hardly. These emotions are overflowing as I'm writing this, that is of the human nature. Even though I doubt I'll truly be in peace when I close this entry, I will try to be better, Even if it takes a long time, a longer time than i wish it'd be, I only wish to bring You the best — Not an everending pile of sorrow. I love You, forever and ever, for as long as You wish Me to. I do not know how to end this entry, I left something small in Your inbox if You wish to check. I love You, that'll be all from Me today. Thank you.